Dear Family Member:
Okay, did I really have to wait more than a decade to join the family on its annual Caribbean pilgrimage? Clearly I had my priorities in the wrong place, so with that in mind, and in the spirit of loving thanks, may I offer you all what I hope to be the first of many family adventure blogs?
The destination for 2008 was the Sanctuary resort in Cap Cana, Domincan Republic. Cap Cana offered the perfect mix of paradise and chaos, which would also be an apt pair of words to describe the unique character of our family life. So while the memories are fresh, let me offer up - for your observation, enjoyment and comment - some of my own personal picks for the best and worst of the family's 2008 Cap Cana adventure.
Love you all,
Albert (a.k.a. Nacho)
Most popular exercise activity:
Duck and cover to avoid instantaneous rainsqualls.
Most beloved Sanctuary employees:
Raul, the breakfast server at Casabella; Carolina, the cocktail shaker at the Love Bar.
Most beloved Sanctuary employees:
Raul, the breakfast server at Casabella; Carolina, the cocktail shaker at the Love Bar.
Most common injury:
Nasty toe stubs, as experienced by Caroline (in the pool), Harry and Albert. The latter two victims suffered minor losses of blood after clotheslining the tips of their toes on well-camouflaged beach rocks.
Most insulting moment:
Albert calling the woman who was his casino good luck charm The Old Lady directly to her face (he didn’t have a winning night after that).
Most frequently asked questions:
Julia takes the prize here with these two classics: "Where are we going to dinner tonight?" and "Are we going to the beach club today?"
Least rewarding meal:
What alien was responsible for the food and service at Amarcord???
Dinner at Wok not all that far behind, but at least we didn’t have to ride on the shuttle-bus to get there.
Favorite and/or most impressive restaurant experiences:
What alien was responsible for the food and service at Amarcord???
Dinner at Wok not all that far behind, but at least we didn’t have to ride on the shuttle-bus to get there.
Favorite and/or most impressive restaurant experiences:
Winner: Dinner at the Caleton Beach Club restaurant (for overall splendor of room and gloriously presented food)
Runner Up: The cool color-modulating mood-lighting and Tuna Tartar, at Mitre
Special award: Daily breakfast buffet at Casabella. Michael loved the swiss cheese, Julia loved the pineapple, Connie loved the coffee, Mitchell loved the omelette station, Nick loved the pancackes, Suzanne loved the oatmeal and granola, and Caroline loved (and ate) just about everything. Patti loved the whole thing so much that she couldn't wait to go to sleep so that she could get ready to return for another installment.
Runner Up: The cool color-modulating mood-lighting and Tuna Tartar, at Mitre
Special award: Daily breakfast buffet at Casabella. Michael loved the swiss cheese, Julia loved the pineapple, Connie loved the coffee, Mitchell loved the omelette station, Nick loved the pancackes, Suzanne loved the oatmeal and granola, and Caroline loved (and ate) just about everything. Patti loved the whole thing so much that she couldn't wait to go to sleep so that she could get ready to return for another installment.
Continuous Pet Peeve:
Several offenders remained glued to electronic devices, though Michael claimed he didn’t know how to unsubscribe to receiving regular Islander score updates.
Least popular menu item:
Seaweed salad at Wok. Were they really collecting that delicacy on the beach each morning? And is it really a delicacy if there are hundreds of pounds of it on any given ten-foot section of the beach?
Most perplexing menu item:
Vealamb chops: Was it a veal chop or a lamb chop you ordered at Mitre? You decide!
Worst smell:
Albert’s bathroom in room 2027 as seeping raw sewage forced him to vacate room and re-locate to room 2028.
Several offenders remained glued to electronic devices, though Michael claimed he didn’t know how to unsubscribe to receiving regular Islander score updates.
Least popular menu item:
Seaweed salad at Wok. Were they really collecting that delicacy on the beach each morning? And is it really a delicacy if there are hundreds of pounds of it on any given ten-foot section of the beach?
Most perplexing menu item:
Vealamb chops: Was it a veal chop or a lamb chop you ordered at Mitre? You decide!
Worst smell:
Albert’s bathroom in room 2027 as seeping raw sewage forced him to vacate room and re-locate to room 2028.
Most popular activities for children:
1. Keep-away and other activities in the pool
2. Quiet reading time on a beach-side lounge
2. Underage drinking
3. Underage gambling
1. Keep-away and other activities in the pool
2. Quiet reading time on a beach-side lounge
2. Underage drinking
3. Underage gambling
Best adults-only viewing:
Take a jog by the Fortress and you may just catch the best free porn available without an internet connection.
Nicknames that just might stick:
1. Nacho Libre (does Albert really
1. Nacho Libre (does Albert really
look that funny in a speedo?)
2. Maria (as in legendary opera singer Maria Callas, for when Suzanne piles the hair on high and dons sequin-spattered beach dresses).
Nickname we should probably forget:
Ass (or Anus) Chocolate Roll. Honestly, doesn’t mini chocolate croissant sound much more appetizing?
Beer of choice:
Presidente – light or regular.
Soft drink of choice:
Coca Cola – light or regular.
Biggest misnomer:
Calling the workout room a “gym”. Sure there were fabulous ocean views, but there were no dumbbells in the all-important 20 to 50 pound range.
Most impressive achievements:
1. Connie easily talking Albert into attending this year’s family adventure to the Caribbean
2. Six Grabows, four Gerlas four Karaches and one Imperato made it through Miami International Airport’s customs and immigration maze – including two tram rides and a superfluous security check – in just 25 minutes
3. Dr. Mandel skillfully removing the earring clasp that had lodged in Caroline’s earlobe
By the numbers:
Total number of shoppers seen at Sanctuary retail outlets during the entire duration of vacation week: 4
Maximum number of pounds the Old Lady could lift at the “gym”: 3
Maximum number of people ever walking around the Marina at the same time (includes 15 family members): 22
Estimated weight in pounds of breakfast foods consumed by Caroline in one week: 500
Number of pairs of shoes purchased at the Marina by Patti in bold eleventh-hour shopping trip just before our departure time: 2
Cost in U.S. dollars for shot of Pedron Tequila at Sanctuary: 20
Minimum number of towels needed by Steve to ride out rainsquall on his beachside lounge: 8
Largest number of cups of coffee consumed by Connie at one breakfast sitting: 16
Number of courtesy flushes by Michael in biggest post-breakfast dump in bathroom at Casabella: 3
Number of times Connie inquired about location of beach that had talcum-powder quality sand: lost count
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2. Maria (as in legendary opera singer Maria Callas, for when Suzanne piles the hair on high and dons sequin-spattered beach dresses).
Nickname we should probably forget: Ass (or Anus) Chocolate Roll. Honestly, doesn’t mini chocolate croissant sound much more appetizing?
Best falls as witnessed and reported by Suzanne:
Runner up: Lisa, coming out of the bathroom near the Blue Marlin restaurant (and the stones weren’t even wet at the time)
Winner: Mitchell when subbing as waiter in pool-side bar.
Runner up: Lisa, coming out of the bathroom near the Blue Marlin restaurant (and the stones weren’t even wet at the time)
Winner: Mitchell when subbing as waiter in pool-side bar.
Most blatant use of brute physical force:
Mitchell’s well-positioned and unapologetic noogies yielded multiple black and blues on Suzanne’s upper arm.
The ride from hell:
The first overstuffed shuttle-bus rid to the Marina, especially if you were seated in the backseat, as Albert and Steve were.
Most visible hate and/or anxiety:
1. Harry when losing at the casino or discussing people who attended the University of Michigan
2. Tommy when charged $18 for a cocktail
3. Nicholas when bees were sighted anywhere within ten feet of him
Most memorable musical performances:
1. Guitar and maracas duo who serenaded daily at Blue Marlin and nightly at David Crocket
2. Mitchell in the Love lounge singing a breezily elegant yet appealingly gritty, “It Had to be You”
2. Tommy when charged $18 for a cocktail
3. Nicholas when bees were sighted anywhere within ten feet of him
Most memorable musical performances:
1. Guitar and maracas duo who serenaded daily at Blue Marlin and nightly at David Crocket
2. Mitchell in the Love lounge singing a breezily elegant yet appealingly gritty, “It Had to be You”
3. Jack's sea-side guitar serenades
Not-so-secret double meaning of “Minimo – 10”:
While most understood this to mean that minimum bets at the blackjack table were 10 dollars, insiders also knew that ten was the minimum age for gambling at the casino.
Not-so-secret double meaning of “Minimo – 10”:
While most understood this to mean that minimum bets at the blackjack table were 10 dollars, insiders also knew that ten was the minimum age for gambling at the casino.
Most famous beach hottie enjoying privacy at the Sanctuary:
Hunky Spanish soccer phenom Raul Gonzales, who, along with his gorgeous wife (and lovely children) turned many heads throughout vacation week.
Hunky Spanish soccer phenom Raul Gonzales, who, along with his gorgeous wife (and lovely children) turned many heads throughout vacation week.
Beer of choice: Presidente – light or regular.
Soft drink of choice:
Coca Cola – light or regular.
Biggest misnomer:
Calling the workout room a “gym”. Sure there were fabulous ocean views, but there were no dumbbells in the all-important 20 to 50 pound range.
Most impressive achievements:
1. Connie easily talking Albert into attending this year’s family adventure to the Caribbean
2. Six Grabows, four Gerlas four Karaches and one Imperato made it through Miami International Airport’s customs and immigration maze – including two tram rides and a superfluous security check – in just 25 minutes
3. Dr. Mandel skillfully removing the earring clasp that had lodged in Caroline’s earlobe
By the numbers:
Total number of shoppers seen at Sanctuary retail outlets during the entire duration of vacation week: 4
Maximum number of pounds the Old Lady could lift at the “gym”: 3
Maximum number of people ever walking around the Marina at the same time (includes 15 family members): 22
Estimated weight in pounds of breakfast foods consumed by Caroline in one week: 500
Number of pairs of shoes purchased at the Marina by Patti in bold eleventh-hour shopping trip just before our departure time: 2
Cost in U.S. dollars for shot of Pedron Tequila at Sanctuary: 20
Minimum number of towels needed by Steve to ride out rainsquall on his beachside lounge: 8
Largest number of cups of coffee consumed by Connie at one breakfast sitting: 16
Number of courtesy flushes by Michael in biggest post-breakfast dump in bathroom at Casabella: 3
Number of times Connie inquired about location of beach that had talcum-powder quality sand: lost count
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